The Winning Edge Coach Podcast

Embracing Happiness: Discovering Joy Through the PERMA Model

• Kevin Oakley • Season 1 • Episode 75

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What if happiness isn't a far-off destination but a journey we can cherish every single day? Join me, Kevin Oakley, on the Winning Edge Coach Podcast, where we unpack this transformative idea using Dr. Martin Seligman's PERMA model of positive psychology. We'll uncover how the elements of positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment can enrich your life. Get ready to learn practical ways to infuse your daily routine with joy—be it through reviving an old hobby, expressing gratitude, or nurturing your most cherished relationships. 

Together, we'll dig deep into building happiness on solid ground, especially through nurturing relationships and finding meaning in our lives. Inspired by the Japanese concept of Ikigai, we explore how creative expression and community involvement can light up your sense of purpose. And let's not forget the thrill of setting goals and celebrating milestones as we weave accomplishments into our life's tapestry. To wrap up, there's a heartfelt thank you to all our loyal listeners. Your support is not just appreciated; it’s invaluable.

Speaker 1:

Hi everybody, welcome back to the Winning Edge Coach Podcast, where I'm going to give you the tools, tactics and techniques to succeed in every aspect of your life. I'm your host, kevin Oakley. In this episode, we're exploring a topic fundamental to our human experience happiness, happiness, happiness is something that people have sought since the beginning of time, yet it remains challenging to define. We often think of happiness as a destination ie, I'll be happy when I get that car, I'll be happy when I get that job, I'll be happy when I get that house, etc. We've all done it. In this episode, I'm going to talk you through a framework that is grounded in positive psychology and may help you to think of happiness in a different light. Welcome to the Winning Edge Coach Podcast. I am Kevin Oakley. As always being your host, I'm also a peak performance mindset and life coach. In each episode, I want to share with you the tools, tactics and techniques to create a winning edge mindset, to help you to live the life you were meant to live. In this episode, we're going to be exploring the topic of happiness, but we're going to approach it from a different angle. We're not going to be looking at it as a destination or something to be achieved. We're going to weave it in how you can build a sense of happiness into every day of your life, and I'm going to talk you through a model to do that.

Speaker 1:

But for me, the following quote sums up, for me, what happiness is about, and it says happiness is a journey, not a destination. For a long time, it seemed to me that life was about to begin real life. There was always some obstacle in the way something to be gotten through first, something or some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid At last. It dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there's no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. This quote is attributed to Alfred D Sousa, described as a writer-philosopher. It beautifully encapsulates the idea that happiness is not a final goal to be reached, but rather a state of being to be experienced along the path of life. The quote emphasises the importance of embracing the present moment and recognising that the challenges and obstacles we face are integral parts of our journey, not merely hurdles to overcome, but overcome before reaching happiness.

Speaker 1:

We often think of happiness as joy, purpose, fulfillment, even living the good life. How do we cultivate these in a world which is filled with stress and uncertainty? Well, I think the answer lies in Dr Martin Seligman's hermimodel. It's a framework for well-being grounded in positive psychology. Dr Martin Seligman is a renowned American psychologist, educator and author who has made significant contributions to the field of psychology, particularly the areas of positive psychology and well-being. Seligman was born in August 1942 in New York. He graduated with a degree in philosophy from Princeton University in 1964. He went on to earn his PhD in psychology from the University of Pennsylvania in 1967.

Speaker 1:

Developed by Seligman in 2012, the PERMA model describes five four elements that, when nurtured, can lead us to a more fulfilling life. Before we get into the five elements of the PERMA model, I have a favour to ask If you're enjoying the podcast, please could you hit the subscribe button. By hitting the subscribe button, basically, it makes the podcast more discoverable or get more listeners, can improve the content, etc. So if you're enjoying it, please hit the subscribe button Right. Let's break down the five core elements of the PERMA model and, more importantly, let's look at some actionable steps you can take to bring these elements into your daily life to make happiness more mindful, bring more awareness to it, kick out the moments each day when you're experiencing joy, love, happiness, etc. The first element of the PERMA model is positive emotion. This goes beyond just fleeting, searching for happiness. This encompasses the emotions of hope, love, joy, gratitude, etc. It's being mindful in the moment, of each moment of every day, to actually spend time to lift up your spirits, to embrace joy, to embrace gratitude. We've got to remember, as a species, we have a negative bias. We're always looking for the negativity in our lives, whereas being mindful about the moment we're in and actually looking for the positive emotions, as I said, the joy, the gratitude, etc. And how can you do this? What are the steps you can take to embrace, on a day-to-day basis, the positive emotions? Well, the P and PIMMA model are some very actionable steps.

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Your grandparents Spend time, and I mean meaningful time, being aware, being present, not on your phone. Be in the moment with them, engage in conversation, talk to them, share memories. Be in that moment with them. Why not engage in doing something you love? It's all too easy in life of having hobbies. Especially when we were younger, we had hobbies that we would lose ourselves in, spend hours doing and then, as we grow, we move away from those hobbies and they become distant memories. Why not dig out those hobbies that you used to love doing when you were younger, bring them back to life. Bring them back into your life today, spend time doing them. What did you love to do when you were 15, 16, your early 20s? Sit and think have you got that old guitar gathering dust in the attic? It could be a train set. You might have been a train enthusiast. What sparked joy for you? Think about it, bring it back into your life and invest some time in it. It could be just simple things like reading, looking at art. It doesn't have to be complex.

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I think there's one for me that you can actually integrate into your daily routine very easily around positive emotion, and it's practicing gratitude. For those of you who've listened to the podcast before will know, I've talked in great detail about gratitude, and there's two steps that I take with gratitude. Step one is, every morning, as soon as you wake up and open your eyes, ask yourself what am I looking forward to today? What three things am I looking forward to today? And, as I've said always in the past, these don't have to be big things. They can be tiny, little things. They could be sitting down with a friend for a coffee. It could be finishing the chapter of the book you're reading. It could be out for a stroll in the early morning sunshine. Don't have to be big, but just spend a few minutes. What am I looking forward to today? Start the day with a positive emotion and at the end of the day ask yourself what three things have I been grateful? Spend a bit of time. What were you grateful for? Don't have to be massive. These do not have to be huge things. It can just be the simplest of simplest things. That compliment you got from a coworker, a great report finished. Whatever it might be, they do not have to be massive. And the last one in terms of positive emotion, to be massive, and the last one in terms of positive emotion Music has an amazing effect on a species.

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We've created music probably from the very early days of our evolution. Put on some uplifting music, positive lyrics, something that lifts your spirit or makes you want to dance. That can shift your emotional state literally just by picking the right track. So that is the first core element of the PERMA model positive emotion. The next core element of the PERMA model is engagement, which Saligman describes as being one with the music. Engagement is about fully immersing yourself in what you're doing and what it called excuse me, that state called flow.

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The flow state is very powerful. It's a state of deep focus and it not only enhances productivity but also provides a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. Getting into that state of flow is actually being linked with enhanced feelings of well-being. Yet I've actually heard stories of people who've gone back and got into a state of flow by doing something they love and being fully present in it, and it's actually helped them to move forward from problems with depression or anxiety. Just by carving out a little bit of time every day to do something that they can immerse themselves in and they love doing and can lose themselves and achieve that state of flow, it's actually had a profound effect on their well-being. So what steps can you do to get into that state of flow? Well, first of all, do what you love. Is it something you enjoy doing? Now that you actually love doing, and something where you can lose track of time, that you can immerse yourself in, and when you're doing it, time just disappears it could be again an hobby that you've got, or it could be an old hobby that you've not done for years. It could be playing a musical instrument, it could be programming computer languages something that you can immerse yourself in and the confidence you get from one being in that state of flow, but again immersing yourself into something you love doing.

Speaker 1:

Another one for me is live in the moment. We live in a distracted world. We are constantly having our attention pulled from mobile devices, tv screens. We very rarely actually live in the moment. Spend a bit of time being mindful and being in the moment. Just focus on that moment in time, because that's all there is. Past is gone and the future is yet to come and, in terms of very little control over what is going to happen, the only moment you've got is now. All you can do is be in that moment.

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Another one for me around engagement is identify unusual strengths. What are you at? What unique skills have you got? When you're doing those, you are more likely to be in the state of flow and lose yourself. Think about it. What are you good at? What comes naturally? What do people compliment you on? That could be for you somewhere that you can go to experience that state of flow and be in the moment. And the last one for me is spend time in nature and actually again, being mindful, soak up nature, be in awe of what nature does the light through the trees, the breeze, standing on a beach and looking out at the sea, whatever it is spend time and lose yourself in nature, but be present, put the phone away, be there, be in that moment, encompass it, feel it. So. That was the E of the PERMA model engagement.

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The next one is R for positive relationships. This is the third pillar of the HERMA model. We are, by nature, social creatures. We've evolved to be part of a tribe. We've evolved to be part of a group. If you weren't, you didn't survive and to be able to be part of that group and communicate and being in the community provides you with so much. 200 000 years ago, your survival would have depended on it. Today, it provides you with support, sense of belonging, love, which are necessary for you to and have the feelings of joy and happiness.

Speaker 1:

What can you do to again get into that positive relationship? It's reconnect with old friends, who are the people you've lost track with over time, that you now don't get in touch with, you don't spend time with. Reach out, make contact, even if it's just a phone call. Ranch out into new groups, form new friendships. Why not take on a new hobby, join a class? That's how you basically connect with new people and explore new friendships.

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One of the great skills for me in any social setting is to listen and then ask the appropriate questions. Put your ego to one side. If you're attentive in a social setting and are asking engaging, open questions of somebody, they will warm to you. It'll be the foundations of forming a friendship of you know, connecting, as it were. And probably the other one is recognize and celebrate other people's successes. When somebody else is successful, be happy for them, congratulate them, celebrate with them. Again, I think one of the biggest takeaways from this, of the positive relationships, is putting your own ego to one side and embracing other people. Listen to what they've got to say, ask questions to find out more and then celebrate their wins. So that was the R of the Perma Model the positive relationships.

Speaker 1:

The next core or pillar of the Perma Model is meaning. Meaning is about feeling that you are part of something larger. It could be career, it could be spiritual, it could be community involvement. It's giving your life pursuit and meaning. The Japanese actually have a name for this it's called Ikigai, and they embrace a philosophy around it, so ingrained is it in Japanese culture. We won't go into detail on this particular episode, but it's got four components, and when you put those components together, the art of it is your purpose or your meaning to life. So what are the actual steps in terms of the M in permamodel, apologies?

Speaker 1:

Find a cause that matters for you, whether that's volunteering, supporting an organization, whatever. It gives you a sense of purpose. What is your purpose in life? You might want to research the Ikigai of Japanese culture and find out how you can find out what your purpose is. Be creative, create something, whether that's a novel, a podcast, a song. Put it out there in the world. That could be your purpose. Why not use your passions to help other people? Have you got a skill or something you're passionate about that you could use to help others and share with the world? Could it be teaching, could it be mentoring, could you be a coach? And again, by doing that, you're going to connect with people who share the same values with you and form a community with them, which again will enhance that feeling of having meaning and purpose.

Speaker 1:

I think purpose and having a purpose in life is one of the key aspects to having fulfillment and being joyful in the moment, in the moment. So that was the M of the PERMA model, meaning Okay, we're on to the last component, or the last pillar of the PERMA model, which is accomplishments. This is the final component. Accomplishments refer to achieving goals, experiencing a sense of pride, of accomplishment, as it were. It's about setting out to attain something and getting there. It helps to build confidence and I think the importance here to stress the goal isn't the destination, it's the journey to the goal. That's the important part. It ties in with that sense of purpose. If you've got a destination in mind, it actually gives you a sense of purpose and you've got a destination. But it's important to remember the destination is just the part of the journey that encompasses bringing you happiness.

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So what steps can you do to get to four Accomplishing things? Think what you want to achieve, set goals. Sit down and map out what goals you want to achieve, whether it's career, health, fitness. Sit down, spend some time. What goals do you want to achieve? Break them down into the component parts. We're not going to do an exercise on goal setting today. But decide what you want, work backwards to the starting point. What does it look like? What are the steps you've got to take? And, the important thing, never walk away from setting a goal without taking the first step. So if your goal is to write a novel, get that first sentence down or have a working title before you even walk away from the scene of setting that goal.

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The other thing is to reflect on past achievements. Remember what you've accomplished before, and not only can it build confidence, but also again, sometimes we get lost in life and we forget what we've accomplished. As I said earlier, we are, we have a negative bias, we are a negative species. We focus on the negative and it's so easy to forget the positive. In fact, I read somewhere that it takes five positive experiences to wipe out one negative experience. So it's important to recognise your accomplishments.

Speaker 1:

So a tip I would give you and you can do this any number of ways is get yourself a positivity jar or a positivity folder, a digital folder on your laptop or an actual glass jar and your accomplishments, just pop them into that jar. Whatever it might be. It could be, you know, a promotion at work, it could be. Congratulations on a great report. It could be something you know your first half marathon, your first 5k, your first 10k, your first foot out the door in your training shoes. It could be that first time going to the gym. It could be then achieving that first step on the ladder to fitness in terms of reducing your waist size or lowering your blood pressure. Write them down, put them in. If you're using the physical glass jar, put them in the jar. If you're using the digital folder, put them in the digital folder.

Speaker 1:

The beauty of this is you've got a record and at some point you can, when you need to, you can look back, look at these things and see what you've achieved. Sometimes in life we travel so far and yet we lose track of everything we've done and what we've achieved. Doing that actually cements them in your memory and it also helps you to celebrate your wins. And I think it's important if you're setting goals is, when you achieve a milestone, celebrate, take time to pause, recognize what you've achieved and celebrate it, because if you don't, that moment's gone. So take time to celebrate, be in the moment, celebrate those wins.

Speaker 1:

If you want to, you can take the PERMA model one step further because there's something called the PERMA Plus model. Basically, all this adds on to is actually focusing on your physical health, your resilience, recognizing the importance of nutrition, physical activity, mental well-being, incorporating proper sleep routines into your daily life, building habits that support both your mental resilience or your mental well-being. That was the PERMA model. Let's just recap again about what those five core elements are. It's positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning and accomplishments. By incorporating that five-pillar framework into your daily life, you can actually move or change happiness from some point in the future to being part of now, being in the moment, fulfilled, joyous. So why not give the PERMA model a go today, right now? Start using the PERMA model from now and see what impact it has.

Speaker 1:

That was the Winning Edge Coach podcast. Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed this episode of the Winning Edge Coach podcast and you'd like to help support the podcast, please hit the subscribe button and, if possible, leave a rating or a review. Also, please feel free to share the podcast with others and post about it on your favourite social media platform. To catch all the latest from me, you can follow me on Twitter at winningedgepod. Thanks again. I'll see you next time.