The Winning Edge Coach Podcast
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The Winning Edge Coach Podcast
Discovering Purpose: Transformative Stoic Principles for Intentional Living
Unlock the secrets to a purposeful and fulfilling life with the Winning Edge Coach Podcast, where I, Kevin Oakley, promise to guide you through the transformative power of Stoic philosophy. Our latest episode offers a deep dive into five timeless principles that can revolutionize your approach to life. From understanding how a strong sense of purpose can not only enhance your longevity but also improve your overall health, to grasping the art of acceptance and control through inspiring examples like Michael Johnson and Stephen King, prepare to be enlightened by insights that can shape your future decisions and actions.
Journey with me as we explore the resilience found in adversity, highlighted by a compelling story of a university student who turned his lowest point into a stepping stone for growth. This episode provides practical tools such as the Sphere of Control exercise, helping you to focus on areas where you can truly make an impact. We'll revisit key principles like purpose, acceptance, control, and daily gratitude, all essential for personal development and human flourishing. Whether facing life's challenges or seeking a more meaningful path, this episode is your guide to living intentionally and with grace.
Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of the Winning Edge Coach Podcast, where I aim to give you the tools, tactics and techniques to help you to achieve your true potential.
Speaker 1:I'm your host, kevin Oakley, and today I want to give you five principles to act as your guide for a purposeful life. The principles are grounded in ancient wisdom, but are relevant to living in the modern world. Welcome to the Winning Edge Coach Podcast. I am Kevin Oakley. As well as being your host, I'm also a peak performance mindset and life coach. In each episode, I want to share with you the tools, tactics and techniques to create a winning edge mindset to help you to live the life you were meant to live. Okay, let's get on with today's episode. Today, I want to share five practical principles inspired by Stoic philosophy, all of them profound insights that have fascinated me and, I think, might just change how you see the world.
Speaker 1:Before we start, let me tell you a little bit about Stoicism, its origins and why I feel it's applicable to today. Stoicism is an ancient Greek philosophy founded by Zeno of Citium in the early 3rd century BC. Zeno would walk around a stoa, a painted porch, giving lectures. This would later give rise to the name, stoicism. Stoicism offers timeless wisdom that remains remarkably relevant in our modern world. At its core, stoicism emphasises living in harmony with nature, cultivating virtue and maintaining emotional resilience in the face of life's challenges.
Speaker 1:I came across these five principles some time ago. The moment I read them, they resonated with me. I instantly felt as if they could act as a compass in day-to-day life, not just when life is going well, but also during life's times of challenge, when life got tough and resilience was required. And each of these principles I felt was relevant to today, was relevant for me and have a bearing on the direction of my life and how I dealt with adversity. And I felt it appropriate, as we come close to the end of 2024, that I share them with you so that you can get the benefit of these five principles. What I want to do in this episode is introduce you to each of the principles, explain why I feel they're relevant to today and how you can apply them to your life, but also give you a tool or technique to actually embed the principle into your day-to-day life and make it applicable and make it usable. Just a word of warning now that there will be some of these exercises where you'll need to get out a pen and paper, maybe pause the audio and spend some time pondering over the answers to various questions. So if you're driving, you might want to save this episode until you can actually put some time to one side and have some quiet time to actually focus on it, or you can actually listen to it while you're driving as an initial run through and then come back to the episode again later on when you've got more time and literally stop the audio when you need to to answer the questions and give yourself time to reflect on the answers and what it means to you.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's not labour love anymore. Let's get into these five principles that are based in Stoic philosophy that could act as the compass on your ship of life. Principle number one cultivate a sense of purpose. Now, developing a sense of purpose is crucial for a leading, fulfilling life. If you know what your purpose in life is, you'll be more satisfied, more driven, more motivated. In fact, research consistently demonstrates that having a strong sense of purpose in life is associated with increased longevity and better health outcomes. Let's unpack that a little bit further.
Speaker 1:Multiple studies have found individuals with a higher sense of purpose have a lower risk of all-cause mortality. A study of over 6,000 participants showed that those with a greater purpose in life had a substantial reduced risk of death. Over a 14-year follow-up period. The hazard rate for individuals with high purpose scores was about 57% of those with low scores. Another large-scale study of 13,159 adults over 50 revealed that those with the strongest sense of purpose lowered their risk of death by 15.2% compared to those with least sense of purpose. So we're already beginning to see that having a sense of purpose actually impacts on health. But why is that? Well, such research seems to indicate that people with a strong sense of purpose are more likely to engage in health promoting behaviours such as physical activity, preventive care and avoiding bad habits smoking, drinking, etc.
Speaker 1:Also, there's a theory that having a purpose and knowing where you're going and what your aim is actually acts as a buffer against stress and the busy hubbub of life. If you know what your purpose is and why you're doing what you're doing, that can buffer against the challenging times and make you more resilient. Also, this is the element of psychological well-being. Having a sense of purpose is associated with a greater psychological well-being, which of course, in turn impacts on physical health. But just let's dwell on that physical, physiological which is not easy for me to say in this episode well-being, just feeling, having that knowledge, you know what your purpose in life is, where you're going and what you're doing and why you're doing it, how that makes you feel. If you know in the morning why you're going and what you're doing and why you're doing it, how that makes you feel, if you know in the morning why you're getting out of bed that day and what your purpose in life is and where it's taking you, you will feel so much better. And, as I said, you've got all those other benefits health, stress reduction. So having a purpose provides direction and motivation and it helps you to prioritise your actions and make meaningful decisions. This principle aligns closely with the Stoic philosophy, which emphasises the importance of living virtuously in accordance with nature. The Stoics believed that by identifying and pursuing our purpose, we could achieve what they called a state of human flourishing which, if you think about it, if you know what your purpose is and why you're getting up in the morning, what your aim is, your end goal, you will flourish as an individual.
Speaker 1:I want to introduce you to the it's a Wonderful Life test, which can be a powerful tool for individuals to identify their life purpose and understand their impact on the world around them. Very poignantly for the time of year I'm recording this episode in December and it'll be coming out in December. It gets its name from the 1946 film it's a Wonderful Life, which main character was a man named George Bailey who was on the verge of what he perceived as ruin and actually was shown by a guardian angel what impact his life had had on other people. So again ties very strongly in with that sense of purpose. And if you're an individual that is struggling to understand what is my purpose, why am I here? For the deeper question, it's a wonderful life test can be a very powerful way, a very powerful tool, to give you that sense of direction on what your purpose is.
Speaker 1:Now, you do need to invest some time in this. So let me set the scene. You need to find a quiet space. You need to choose a location where you won't be interrupted, allowing for deep reflection. You'll also need a pen and paper. Now, once you've found this quiet space where you're not going to be interrupted you've got your pen, you've got your paper, maybe a coffee or a tea ready I want you to ask yourself.
Speaker 1:How would the world be different if you had never existed? I want you to reflect deeply on that question. Consider the various aspects of your life, your relationships. How would this have impacted friends, family, colleagues, etc. I want you to spend time on this, think deeply and widely on that particular question how would the world have been different if I had never existed? Think about the people you've influenced, the impact you've had on their lives, work. What contributions have you made in your professional life if you had not? If you'd not existed, how would those have developed or not, your community? How have you affected your local community or your local groups? Or think about your hobbies you're involved in. How have you impacted on those and the people that integrate with those hobbies? And then consider the broader impact how have you influenced any larger causes or movements, charities, etc. Write it all down, document your thoughts and insights as they come to you and now?
Speaker 1:What you now want to do is sit back and start to look for patterns. Analyse your writings, what you've reflected on, identify any reoccurring themes or areas where you've made the most significant impact. Maybe in work. It's how you've coached individuals from starting the company to becoming executives or going on to great things just if you hadn't been around? Would that have happened now? To get the most out of this test, be honest. Include both positive and negative impacts for a balanced perspective. Also, try and consider the indirect effects. Consider the ripple effects of your actions and decisions. Try to imagine different scenarios, how various situations would have played out or unfolded without your presence, or would they have occurred at all.
Speaker 1:The benefit of applying this test is you highlight your unique contributions to the world. It reveals your core values and what truly matters to you, where you've invested your time, and it also provides you with clarity on areas where you made the most meaningful impact, which can help to guide your future decisions by aligning them with your discovered purpose. This exercise can help you to gain a deeper understanding of your life's purpose and the value you bring to the world, which can be a powerful motivator, and it can also guide your future actions and decisions. Just knowing what your purpose is, what drives you where you want to go, has all those benefits we talked about earlier Better health, greater longevity, motivation. So that was insight number one, or principle number one Know your purpose.
Speaker 1:Our next principle for a purposeful life is accept what you can't change. Accepting the things that are beyond our control is a fundamental aspect of emotional well-being and stress management. This principle encourages us to let go of futile attempts to control external circumstances and instead focused our energy and responses and our actions. This concept is deeply rooted in Stoic philosophy, particularly in the teachings of Epictetus, who emphasised the importance of distinguishing between what is within our control and what is not. Stoics believed that that by accepting the unchangeable aspects of life, we could achieve greater peace of mind and emotional stability In our day-to-day lives.
Speaker 1:There's a number of things that we cannot change. We have to accept the weather being one, despite all our technological advancements. Yes, we can do a pretty good job these days of forecasting the weather, but we can't change it and we have to accept it. I remember reading Michael Johnson's autobiography I think it's called Slaying the Dragon and he came to the realization that he'd never raced in the rain and he made it intentional to actually train in the rain. He accepted that at some point in his career he would have to race in the rain and he made it part of his training to go out there and train in the rain. He couldn't change the weather and he couldn't have any influence over when he would race, if it was raining or not, so he accepted that and went out and prepared and accepted the rain and trained in it.
Speaker 1:Another thing is aging. We cannot stop aging. I know there's a number of billionaires out there who are trying to slow the aging or prevent the aging process, but aging isn't inevitable. It's something we have to accept and maybe come to terms with it. A part of growing, having a purposeful life, that we age. And another thing we cannot influence is other people's thoughts and actions. In our daily interactions we often encounter situations that we cannot control how other people think, how other people think, how other people act or how other people behave. We cannot force our opinions or motives on other people. We have to accept and the important thing to remember is another, sorry, another thing that's occurred to me that we can't change. It's things like traffic. You can leave with the best intention to go to work or wherever your destination is and run into traffic. We cannot change that. We have to accept it. It's one of those acceptances and we can only control ourselves.
Speaker 1:One of the ways of accepting what you can't change is to change the question or ask yourself a better question. In situations where you have no influence or you cannot change, ask yourself a different question. One of my favourites is how can I make this enjoyable? Or how can I approach this differently? And just ask yourself that question and then give yourself time and see what ideas pop into your mind. What comes, what unique solutions does your brain come up with? That was principle number two accept what you can't change.
Speaker 1:Our third principle is focus on what you can control. It's closely accepted. This principle is closely related to principle number two, which is the one of accepting what you can't change. However, this principle directs our attention and efforts towards areas we can make a significant difference in. By concentrating our thoughts, actions and responses, we can significantly impact the world around us. This principle is a cornerstone of Stoic philosophy, often referred to as the dictonomy of control. The Stoics, particularly Marcus Aurelius, emphasised the importance of focusing on our own virtues and actions rather than external events or others opinions. I find this particularly good in times of overwhelm or when you've just got that much to do that you're struggling to put your attention in one place. By actually focusing on what you can control can direct your actions, and sometimes it's a case of taking that step back. One of the great stories I once heard of that steven king, who was early in his career. King faced countless rejections for his work, but instead of becoming discouraged by the thoughts or opinions of the book publishers, king just just focused what he could control, his writing, and he continued to hone his craft and eventually, as we all know, he's become an household name and one of the best selling authors in the world.
Speaker 1:How can you build this principle in your day-to-day life? I like to use an exercise called Sphere of Control. The Sphere of Control exercise is a powerful tool for building resilience, reducing stress and improving focus on actionable areas of your life. This particular tool helps you to identify what you can directly influence, leading to increased productivity and greater sense of empowerment. It's a really simple process. It's all a case of finding this piece of paper, a pen. You actually then name the situation you're in, identify the circumstances, what is causing you to feel the way you're feeling? So, at the top of the page, write identify the circumstances, what is causing you to feel the way you're feeling? So, at the top of the page, write name the situation. What is it that is causing you to feel the way you do.
Speaker 1:Next, you identify what is outside of your control. So, with that situation, you just write down everything that is outside of your control. It could be, if it's a project you're involved with, that could actually be the specific confines of that project or parameters you have to work within to get the project up and running. It could even be the behaviours of other people, or it could be just something external as the weather, traffic, etc. The next thing, you identify what is inside your control. I list the elements you've got a direct control over. This could be your mindset what actions you need to take, what proposals you need to write, be specific, what is inside your control or what can you influence. Once you've got the list of the items that are within your control, it's very easy to pick one or two of those and carry them out. You don't need to do them all, but you can pick one or two specific actions and see them through. It gives you empowerment, it reduces overwhelm and reduces stress. It also enhances your resilience in the face of challenges and it's a good use of your time and energy. So that was principle three. Focus on what you can control.
Speaker 1:Practice gratitude, role, practice gratitude Cultivating an attitude of gratitude has been shown to have numerous benefits, including improved mental health, enhanced relationships and increased resilience. As a species, we have a negative bias. I think I read somewhere that it takes five compliments, or five positive things, to outweigh one negative, so we are wired with a negativity built into us. Out to survive, in terms of always erring on the side of caution or fearing the worst, has helped us to survive as a species. However, that is not always good for us, and although a practice of gratitude is not explicitly mentioned in Stoic texts, gratitude aligns well with Stoic principles. The Stoics encouraged a mindset of appreciation for what we have rather than focusing on what we lack. This practice of gratitude helps us foster contentment and resilience in the face of adversity. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of the items that we are lucky to have. I read somewhere that Oprah Winfrey practiced gratitude. Despite a challenging childhood, oprah has consistently practiced and promoted gratitude. She kept a gratitude journal and for years often spoke about how this practice has contributed to her success and well-being.
Speaker 1:Episodes even of this podcast will know I'm a big advocate of gratitude and I want to share with you, if you've not heard me mention it already, the gratitude technique or gratitude tool that I use and promote with people I'm coaching to get as part of their day-to-day routine and it's really simple. It comes in two parts. The first part is first thing in the morning. It's part of your morning routine. Write down three things that you're looking forward to that day. Simple as that. Just simply, very early in the morning, preferably as soon as you woke up, write down three things that you're looking forward to that day. They don't have to be major things. They can be really small. In fact, I encourage people I coach to think of the small things, not the big things. It could be sitting down for a coffee with a friend. It could be meeting up with a relative. It could be finishing the chapter of that novel you're currently reading. They don't have to be major things. If you've got major things, great. If not, they can be small things.
Speaker 1:The important thing is first thing in the morning. You focus your mind on the things you're looking forward to that day. It sets your mind in a positive frame. First thing during the day. So that's your morning routine. The last thing at night as part of your going to sleep routine, and I would advocate doing this just before you fall asleep is to write three things down that you were grateful for that day. And again, they don't have to be major things, they can be really small a compliment from a work colleague, an easy drive into the office, having time to sit outside at lunch and have your lunch outside listening to the birds, et cetera, or just having time to watch the world go by.
Speaker 1:The important thing is you take stock that day and make a note of three things that you were grateful for. It could be just bigger things, such as your health or the family you've got around you your spouse, whatever it is. Make a note of it. We have to remind ourselves on a daily basis of the things that we have around us that sometimes go unappreciated. And again, those of you who've listened to the podcast before will have heard me say this before. I'm a great advocate of writing these things down as opposed to putting them into a phone or just thinking about them. The act of writing, I still think we're hardwired to. The connection between a hand and a mind is still very much hardwired into. So I encourage anybody who's pursuing this exercise to physically write it down with a pen and paper.
Speaker 1:Keep a gratitude journal, as I say, the things you're looking forward to each day, the items you were grateful for at the end of the day. Keep it for a year and you can reflect, especially now I'm recording this podcast in December. It will be published in December Once. It'd be great to actually go back through a previous year's gratitude journal and look at the things that you were looking forward to on particular days and things you were grateful on those particular days. What a boost to give yourself of being able to look back over a year and see all the things you've been grateful for and all the things you were looking forward to as a way of summarising your year.
Speaker 1:I think there's also one big benefit to this exercise that I just wanted to mention. The fact of starting the day on a positive note and ending the day on a positive note puts two bookends in your day of positivity. So, no matter what happens in the middle, you've started on a positive note, you've ended on a positive note, you've written them down by hand, hardwired them into your brain, as it were, and it doesn't matter what happens in between. You have a tendency, especially at the end of the day or at the end of anything to remember the last thing you experienced. If you're going to bed and remembering things you were grateful for, even though they might be small things, that's one way to finish the day. So that was principle number four. That is gratitude. On to our last principle, principle number five Use negative experiences as an opportunity for growth.
Speaker 1:I'm a great believer in the phrase there's no failure, only feedback. And that is the mindset. With any challenge or setback, that gives us the opportunity for personal development and it can enhance your resilience and actually improve your overall well-being. This mindset, or the growth mindset, allows us to extract valuable lessons from difficult experiences and come out stronger at the other side. This principle resonates with Stoic philosophy. The Stoics, particularly Seneca, viewed adversity as a chance to practice virtue and develop character. Seneca believed that by facing challenges with the right mindset, we can turn obstacles into opportunities for growth and self-improvement. I think today it's referred to a lot of the time as a growth mindset the situation you're in, and actually use those to move forward, to improve yourself and become more resilient.
Speaker 1:I like to use the process of reframing. Reframing is quite simple. It means just putting a different frame. It's like if you have a picture in your home and you were to change the frame, you change your perception of that picture, and it's the same with reframing mindset by changing the way you view that situation, you actually change how you perceive it and the lessons you can gain from that experience. So what you need to do for this reframing exercise is identify the negative experience or thought and then a better quality question. We get a better quality outcome. So whenever you're in a challenging situation sometimes it's worth again and you're going to get fed up of me saying this but grab a pen, grab a piece of paper, write at the top what the situation is that you find yourself in, name the situation and then write what benefit or lesson can I get from this situation? Pause, let your logical brain, and sometimes your unconscious mind as well, start to present, or let things bubble up that you've not even thought of and get them down on paper. What are the lessons you are learning from your current situation? Reframe this situation to actually extract the lessons and maybe actions that you can take forward as part of the situation you're in, by just spending five or ten minutes with a pen and paper and identifying what you can do to get the best out of the situation for you can make a tremendous difference to your life.
Speaker 1:I once read and I don't know how true this story is, but I love the metaphor it's a story of a student who one morning he woke up and found himself in a police cell. It turns out the night before he'd got extraordinarily drunk which is something he was prone to doing and he'd got himself into a fight. Subsequently, he was arrested. So he woke up the next morning, sobered up and found himself in a police cell. This story took place somewhere in the United States and it was relayed to me as a true story. I don't know how true it is, so please treat it as a metaphor.
Speaker 1:And the first thing that came to his mind at the point of waking up in that police cell was that he was at university. The university would kick him out, he would lose his place, he was more than likely not going to be able to get the job he wanted and was going to be stuck in low-paid, mediocre jobs for the rest of his life. However, he then changed or reframed his situation and he asked himself how can I get the best out of this situation for me? What can I learn from this situation to actually move things forward and get a better outcome, or even ask himself how could he get a better outcome from this situation. So he reframed this situation from a very dire, very dark place to actually identify some positive actions and growth and personal development he could get from that situation.
Speaker 1:And there was a number of things that as he sat lay there in that cell that came to mind. One he knew he had to go before a judge and he knew he would have to be honest and there's no point trying to lay the blame anywhere else is to take personal responsibility for his situation and go in front of the judge and basically put himself into the judge and say yeah, himself in front of the judge and say yeah, I'm totally accountable for this. And he also identified another thing he needed to do and that was to stop drinking, because he'd come to the opinion that if he carried on drinking at some point it would be far worse than waking up in a police cell At some point he would probably lose his life because of the way drink impacted his character and caused him to turn violent. So he knew he would have to go before the judge and say this is never going to happen again. I've learned my lesson. I will not drink again.
Speaker 1:The other thing he identified he needed to go through a similar process with the university and go before them again, apologize and say that he would now focus all his attention on his university work and that would be. He had learnt his lesson and that would now be his main focus to come out of the university with the best degree he could get. Those are the actions he took. That's what he learnt from that situation. He took those actions and those are the actions he took. That's what he learned from that situation. He took those actions. He went before the judge. He promised the judge that he'd learned his lesson and he did stop drinking and never drunk again.
Speaker 1:When I read the story to what in the UK we would call a suspended sentence so as long as he didn't get in trouble again for 12 months, whatever it was, he would be okay. He went before the university and again expressed to the university that he'd learned his lesson. The university let him stay and carry on with his degree. And he fulfilled his promise on two counts he never drunk again and he threw himself into his degree and came out with that degree and he then went on to get the job that he'd always dreamt of and, as he said, because of the fact that he stopped drinking, he never got in trouble again. And part of him knew that if he carried on with his ways with alcohol, he more than likely at some point would have lost his life, either in a fight or, you know, due to drinking under the influence. So, as I said, that story was relayed to me as being true. I don't know how true it is.
Speaker 1:I like to use it as a metaphor for the growth mindset and that asking you, reframing your situation, to ask yourself the question, to get the best options for you, and I think it illustrates it perfectly. But it's a good one to show that there's no failure, there's only feedback, and that was one of the best examples of feedback from any situation I can think of. So that was principle number five Use negative experiences as opportunities for growth. Before we wrap up today's episode, I just want to go back over those five principles, because I think it's important that we remind ourselves exactly what they are. So principle number one was cultivate a sense of purpose Stoic. Principle number two was accept what we can't change. Principle number three was focus on what you can control. And number four was practice gratitude on a daily basis. And five use negative experiences as an opportunity for growth.
Speaker 1:That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening. See you next time. That was the Winning Edge Coach podcast. Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed this episode of the Winning Edge Coach podcast and you'd like to help support the podcast, please hit the subscribe button and, if possible, leave a rating or a review. Also, please feel free to share the podcast with others and post about it on your favourite social media platform. To catch all the latest from me, you can follow me on Twitter at winningedgepod. Thanks again, I'll see you next time.